Mrs. Sunbuckus: Dabbling in Polyamory

I know we haven't updated in awhile. We actually have been to a couple of parties which had some varying degrees of success and were interesting experiences. However, I came to talk about our little dabble in polyamory. I had been playing separately with Mr. B a number of times and we text everyday. I had begun to care for him as a friend...perhaps as something more. I knew that I had to make sure Mr. Sunbuckus knew and was okay before proceeding. He was wary but agreed that we could explore it bit by bit to see how comfortable it would be. Well, I felt it was necessary to make sure that Mrs. B would be okay with it and she was okay with it as long as no one feels threatened. I was more than willing to stop playing and even texting/talking with Mr. B if anyone was not okay. As it was expected with their open marriage, they were okay with it.

Well, it has come to our attention that Mrs. B is not very interested in creating a couple poly situation, which is what I think Mr. Sunbuckus was hoping for. He does not foresee very much or any future play with Mrs. B because she is very busy with her own boyfriend on the side, so tonight, he asked for me to stop playing one-on-one with Mr. B. And I am more than happy to do so. Surprisingly, I am actually a bit relieved that he has finally told me that he is out right uncomfortable with me playing separately with Mr. B and directly told me that he would like me to stop. Perhaps I have been waiting for him to be honest with himself and willing to tell me what he wants. But most of all...even though it was for a short period of time, being poly is hard.

I think quite often about both Mr. Sunbuckus and Mr. B throughout the day. However, splitting time between them is rough. When I am with Mr. B, I miss Mr. Sunbuckus and sometimes it is reversed when I am with Mr. Sunbuckus. I would want to be with both. I literally felt torn in two at times. Now I can slowly detach myself from Mr. B and not have to worry about being with two men at the same time.

I did want to make a separate post about my thoughts about polyamory, which I may still do eventually. Overall, I think it is theoretically the most open relationship a couple can have but exercising it in reality is very difficult and requires a lot of energy to maintain. How can one deny one's natural tendency to be so openly loving with others as well as receive and accept so much love? It is a very amazing feeling knowing how much love you are capable of.

But for now, we will be emotionally monogamous, as some of the great people at the swingers forum say.

Boyfriends and Boy Toys

Mr. Sunbuckus and I came to an arrangement so that I would explore the realm of having a boyfriend or boy toy on the side. I was a bit intrigued with this idea when we found out that Mr. and Mrs. B were on the lookout for their own girlfriend/boyfriend. However, I did see firsthand from them how easily it was for Mrs. B to get a boyfriend whereas Mr. B has yet to get a girlfriend. I was also concerned a bit when it seemed that Mrs. B would meet with her boyfriend almost everyday before work and play with him at least once a week. When does Mr. B get his time with Mrs. B? I didn't want to do that to Mr. Sunbuckus.

I have waffled back and forth between a boyfriend or a boy toy as well as to whether or not I should even be getting one at all. One of the reasons why I was wishy washy was because I wasn't certain I wanted to expend emotional energy on someone other than Mr. Sunbuckus. Yes, it's thrilling to think about having a male attracted to me to wine and dine me. However, I don't want it to take away from what I need to give to Mr. Sunbuckus...he comes first and I didn't want him to feel like a second fiddle. Second, two men that I was attracted to either expressed no interest or did but not enough to really make me feel like I wanted to meet him. Whereas, there have been a few men that contacted me but I wasn't interested in the slightest. It has turned out to be harder to find a boyfriend than I thought. And a lot more time and work finding one that works. Third, I had considered requiring friendship with the boyfriend/boy toy but have thought about changing the "screening" process...instead of getting to know them first and then playing, reverse it. I was telling Mr. Sunbuckus that I should see if they are fun in bed first and if they are, then explore that. And if not, then put them in the reject pile. Of course, attraction would still have to be a two-way street.

Mr. Sunbuckus has expressed concern about single males in the past and present and I'm sure he will complain about them in the future, too. I didn't really have a problem with them but after experiencing meeting and playing with a single male...I know exactly what he means and why he was so skeptical. He is a man, I probably should have listened to him but I had to learn for myself. Mr. Sunbuckus doesn't like single males because he is afraid that they will dog the female for playtime all the time. Although the single male that I toyed with did seem to ask to see me a lot, he didn't ask to play every time. But, yes, I did get turned off from his asking everyday to see me. Granted...he had a friendly face but he wasn't at all what I wanted in a boyfriend/boy toy. If he had been more attractive to me, perhaps I would have liked the attention more. But as it was, I did not like it. For this reason, Mr. Sunbuckus is more comfortable if it were a married male that I used as a boyfriend/boy toy. And who do we know that is a married male and also looking for a girlfriend? Mr. B of course. However, I have not mentioned anything about us being in that type of relationship other than that Mr. Sunbuckus would prefer that arrangement.

So, will I be doing the boyfriend thing? I don't know. It's a very fun thought but I like couple swapping so that we both get playtime and we can connect with each other during that time. There is something to be said about sharing your spouse so intimately with another woman and knowing he is having a fun time.

To be continued....