I know we haven't updated in awhile. We actually have been to a couple of parties which had some varying degrees of success and were interesting experiences. However, I came to talk about our little dabble in polyamory. I had been playing separately with Mr. B a number of times and we text everyday. I had begun to care for him as a friend...perhaps as something more. I knew that I had to make sure Mr. Sunbuckus knew and was okay before proceeding. He was wary but agreed that we could explore it bit by bit to see how comfortable it would be. Well, I felt it was necessary to make sure that Mrs. B would be okay with it and she was okay with it as long as no one feels threatened. I was more than willing to stop playing and even texting/talking with Mr. B if anyone was not okay. As it was expected with their open marriage, they were okay with it.
Well, it has come to our attention that Mrs. B is not very interested in creating a couple poly situation, which is what I think Mr. Sunbuckus was hoping for. He does not foresee very much or any future play with Mrs. B because she is very busy with her own boyfriend on the side, so tonight, he asked for me to stop playing one-on-one with Mr. B. And I am more than happy to do so. Surprisingly, I am actually a bit relieved that he has finally told me that he is out right uncomfortable with me playing separately with Mr. B and directly told me that he would like me to stop. Perhaps I have been waiting for him to be honest with himself and willing to tell me what he wants. But most of all...even though it was for a short period of time, being poly is hard.
I think quite often about both Mr. Sunbuckus and Mr. B throughout the day. However, splitting time between them is rough. When I am with Mr. B, I miss Mr. Sunbuckus and sometimes it is reversed when I am with Mr. Sunbuckus. I would want to be with both. I literally felt torn in two at times. Now I can slowly detach myself from Mr. B and not have to worry about being with two men at the same time.
I did want to make a separate post about my thoughts about polyamory, which I may still do eventually. Overall, I think it is theoretically the most open relationship a couple can have but exercising it in reality is very difficult and requires a lot of energy to maintain. How can one deny one's natural tendency to be so openly loving with others as well as receive and accept so much love? It is a very amazing feeling knowing how much love you are capable of.
But for now, we will be emotionally monogamous, as some of the great people at the swingers forum say.
